I want to tell you the story of two lovers to explain the importance of emotional control and self-knowledge.
Lisa and Mark are planning a romantic dinner for tonight at Lisa’s home. Everything is almost ready, wine, food, candles and music. She wants so surprise that under more beautiful than ever, is very excited and eager to see the face of Marcos to arrive. 45 minutes before the phone rings appointment is Mark who calls to say he cannot stand for a romantic dinner, he have an emergency and then called to explain what happened.
Lisa takes one of these three reactions, choose one:
- Lisa begins to mourn; it is normal, she feels that every effort was in vain. After a while she calms down, picks up the dishes, keep the food and thought that surely everything has an explanation, because Mark was just as excited as her.
- Lisa begins to mourn, but enters a state crises. Marcos thinks has brought her an excuse to do better, think about doing something to get even. Things cannot stay as well; she already knows the cheap excuses of men.
- Lisa does not cry, it gets serious and closes. Pick up the dishes, keep the food and then begins to read a book, she goes to the movies or a bar. Total, Mark is not as important so not worth of wasting time.
Read also: The lost love, attachment and couple relationship
Already you chose with which you identify? …
In case of the number 1: Lisa has a completely normal reaction, it is the way her body evacuates many emotions and anxiety that kept during the preparation of the evening. If frames have been filed, the evacuation had taken a different path, surely loud laughter and pleasure. Somehow her body would have taken stress. All human beings cry, it is a natural reaction of the body and there are people a little more sensitive than others.
In case of the number 2: Lisa is wrong, surely she has had many disappointments in her love life, and she has deceived the injured or has been seen as hurting people close and / or distant to it. Lisa all men are the worst, she has taken only negative experiences and emotions of the past and her environment so do she see as the only and absolute reality.
In case of the number 3: Lisa pretends to have complete control of her emotions, then closes the door to pain and is not allowed to feel anything. Lisa knows that abandonment is normal, because her father abandoned her when she was a child. She touched herself learn to be strong and stand up for herself. This attitude of smooth, not allowed to have emotional closeness with Marcos because she consciously or unconsciously think anytime leave. What’s more, she can come to sabotage the relationship and going to fail again and again.
These conflicts and confusion of emotions not only apply to the relationships; it applies to all personal relationships. During life you may move from one state to another, depending on how we go on living. Perhaps at some point you were number 2, then 3, then 1. Maybe you’ve always been number 1, but with a great mix of attitudes No. 3.
Read also: Getting Over the End of a Relationship
The important thing here is that you know it and are looking for the because of your emotions and reactions. Humans act on autopilot in terms of emotions, we adopt behaviors from childhood and we repeat.
The good news is that everything can be changed; the first step is to realize that something is wrong, to go changing feelings and behaviors that can cause us harm.
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