Why being desperate to find a partner is the worst for dating.

That “till death do us part” is way behind us and not only because now marriage is no longer the toll that you have to go to live together, but, as a concept, couples do not feel compelled to live together. This makes many reach the age of thirty and above without a partner and that many see over time and begin to despair, entering a pretty devastating vicious circle: why being desperate to find a partner is the worst for dating.

Vicious circle

Don’t be impatient. You start doubting yourself, your ability to like someone, you see that over days, months, years, and still cannot find your ideal partner. Then you start to be desperate and enter a vicious circle in that the more desperate, the harder you have to find a partner and the harder it got, the more desperate you are.

What is wrong with losing patience?

A relationship, whether it is intended to be serious, involves time to meet you, to spend time together, to open up emotionally to another person, to pursue happiness by sharing time and space with the other, etc. Come on, it’s not like you’re going to the supermarket hesitate between strawberry or banana yogurt, but something much more important. We can err, we err, but worth trying to hit the shot failed relationships because all leave a mark more or less painful.

When you lose your patience, when he begins to despair, self-doubt, their skills, their ability to please and begins to feel rejected and unloved. This affects the self-esteem and makes a person try to change their behavior, their way of being, to do something different and try the approach projecting another image of himself.

Change is not bad, mind you. People have had to change many things to be more sociable, friendly, close, friendly, positive, etc., but change is not always easy, and sometimes does not respond more than an attempt to hide what they do not want to show: the wolf in sheep’s clothing is now known as “posture”.

Stop being yourself

And that’s how you stop being yourself, behaving in an unreal way, often incongruous. You know someone else and do the possible and the impossible to please him, you show what you want to see and say what they want to hear, but not you, but the character you’ve created to please. Without you, you run the risk of contradicting: one day give an opinion, wanting to show personality (because people tend to like them that the other has the some clear ideas), and other argue the contrary only because it is the one closest to your way of thinking.

And regrettably, the alter ego that many people believe they have a very limited life because it’s exhausting keeping and because there always comes a point at which the actual personality struggles to emerge, and then everything goes into chaos. The chaos that ends in a “clear your! And when you have clarified what you feel or what you want, call me and we’ll see…”.

You may also like to read another article on LifeStyleQA: What is Love?

Wrong to choose

Who hunting more and better, which waits patiently for hours until it finds its prey, shooting only when he knows he has a certain target, or firing wildly at the slightest movement? Perhaps someday have a second stroke of luck and get shot several dams with both, but certainly better than the first game because he knows what he wants and what to do to get it.

When it comes to dating, as I said before, we must learn to wait and choose the person we believe can be the one to make us happy, and so we must be at a vital time when we know who we are and what we want. If we are in despair, nor do we know who we are, because as I said we started pretending to be another, not really know what we want, because we reached a point where it seems more important to couple the couple itself. Come on, you can end the first person who walked by and be lucky enough to be a great success, with the risk that, most likely, is a big mistake.

Yes, you have a partner, but perhaps there is more to it that you dislike things you like, perhaps just have nothing in common, perhaps there is more reason to be apart than to be together … and despair can lead to saying what “better known evil than an unknown good” or “a bird in the hand, the bush”. Come on, that the desire to have a partner can lead us to commit the stupidity of being with someone with whom we are not happy.

The risk that we are the ones who end up with relationships

Another situation that can occur when one enters a state of despair is the conviction that it does not really have a partner, or have had in a long time, because of us. Our way of being, our unattractive physical (never mind that this is not true … is the image you create yourself), our mood, our lack of labia, … whatever, or all in generally make us feel unable to be loved, do not deserve a couple, we begin a relationship and we are clear that soon end because we are not meant to be happy as a couple.

And we believe it so much that in the end we have no partner, or are short, not what we think we are, but by what we do or fail to do when we get a couple . It is what is known in psychology as “self-fulfilling prophecy”: I think I’m incapable of having a partner, my relationships always end up badly, and my behavior and way of being just making certainly happen.

But how? How you do it is accomplished? Well, in many ways … losing enthusiasm for the relationship when and takes time because you know you will not finish together, deliberately cooling it to avoid suffering (‘like I know you’re going to leave, because I’m causing separation gradually to hurt less’), not too romantically, etc. In short, not putting your hand for a relationship that could be nice and durable, just because you think it will end soon, regardless that you’re the cause of the end.

You may also like to read another article on LifeStyleQA: Types of love in pairs, what’s yours?

But open up, it hurts

True, he is exposing open up emotionally, is let into your life and your feelings to someone else, and you do the same to her. And when that does not work out the pain is greater, but without love there is no relationship without trust, without putting it at risk, married life is meaningless.

So patience, calm and not lose your temper. If you do not find partner, anxiety and despair will not help you. Yes you might find a couple, but not necessarily the best choice and you will probably not even at the risk of being yourself.

Worth the wait, and meanwhile find hobbies and friendships with those who fill their free time so that follow growing as a person, and so you achieve happiness through all this. Then, with the confidence of someone who feels good about himself, with the ability to please and love who takes care of his friends, you’ll find a partner without losing your identity without losing the north in the election.